I can’t expect him to process his way through all of this in a little more than a week. I’ve been thinking, debating for months, maybe even more, and I’ve had time to think about every consequence, opportunity, possibility.
I’m trying to be fair.
But, part of me wishes I had been more deceitful, that I had just found somewhere else to lived and left. I wouldn’t do that, I couldn’t do that to him, but I think about it.
Reminds me of this episode of Monk, where he rapidly cycles through the five stages. Which, if you think about it, is kind of funny. Also how my brain works when it comes to this. One minute I think I’m no longer angry, that I’m way ahead, into acceptance. Then I regress to denial and jump forward to bargaining.
Oh yeah, you know it; I won’t fit into some stupid model, I like to buck the system.
katharinewink 
I don’t know who Kubler-Ross is but if he’s anything like Kublah Khan I totally agree with you. I may have spelled Kublah Khan wrong though. And also I might be thinking of Gingus Kan. Which I think I misspelled as well.
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wow, kate. heavy stuff. i came here via the comment you left on my post about adoption (thank you!) and find that you are in a hard place.
i too have been where you are. maybe not with such a nice man, but still, being faced with all those decisions and going thru those goddammned kubler-ross stages. fuck kubler and fuck ross.
having a name for your pain doesn’t help. knowing it’s a stage doesn’t contain it within a nice neat closet or package or SPACE in your mind.
i can tell you that i made it thru. i also had all those fears about finding someone else, about whether i would ever feel safe and secure and PASSIONATE again.
and it worked for me. after i had done alot of work on myself.
i was lucky enough to find an amazing man who could look all the way thru me, see every hidden corner and still love me. still accept me, more than accept me, DELIGHT in me.
and that’s a great feeling to have in this life. it’s worth all the dark hours you will spend.
i’m very sorry for the pain you and your husband are going thru and whatever the outcome, i wish you both joy.
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