fear and reluctance

I do wonder sometimes what it’s like to live with no fear.  Or be as close to fearless as some people I know.

Some fear is healthy I suppose.  But I’ll never be the kind of person to run into a burning building, like my grandfather did on his mail route so many years ago.  I’ll never swim with sharks or jump out of an airplane.

I’ve lived with a lot of fear the last few years.
Some fears are a little bit irrational, like my extreme fear of spiders (don’t even like typing the word)
Some are perfectly justified, like worrying that I’ll never succeed at fertility treatments.

There’s a lot of fear in the idea of a new relationship. Or, thinking about being alone forever.

Fear, for me, causes hesitation; reluctance.  This in turn has a tendency to piss me off.  I’ve been able to dismiss most of them, but some remain.  I’m working on it, though, because I don’t like being conquered by the fear or even deferring to it.

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