mari

I woke up to snow this morning. Seemed appropriate for some reason. I mean, sure, I’m a little shocked. It is May 24th after all, and even in places where winter hangs on, spring is in full force.

But, it fits. It’s her day, the should have been birthday of the daughter that wasn’t to be. I still think about it, every year on this day; what it would have been like. How my life would be SO different now if I had not lost that baby.

I’m pretty content most of the time that it didn’t work. I look at motherhood now like one of those dreams you had as a child. The ones, that as an adult, didn’t quite land within your reach. Wistful, I know how much I wanted it then. One look at the old posts here reminds me. But, that seems far away. I’m at peace with what happened for the most part and am happy with where I am now.

I know she is at peace as well. That makes it easier.

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