Myth: “I can’t let her see how upset I am that this cycle didn’t work.”
This myth is listed under Male Infertility, but I think it applies to each person dealing with infertility. Men often feel the need to be strong, to be the one who will not crumble under disappointment.
I remember going through treatment and being crushed with every failure, devastated by each miscarriage, so disappointed each time another obstacle was placed in the way of parenthood. I fell apart often, being very emotional, in private. My ex never let me see that pain. He kept up the positive attitude, sharing the hope he had with me when I felt like I had none left. He never broke down, never lost his temper, never cried.
At some point, I doubted his desire to be a parent. I figured there was no way he wanted it as much as I did since he never seemed upset when it didn’t happen. I knew in my heart that he was upset, but I couldn’t understand why he didn’t show it to me.
I think bonding over those losses, those failures, would have helped us on our path. We often felt disconnected because I was grieving and I thought he was not.
Men are allowed to be weak. I can understand not crying in front of your buddies, or not sharing with your coworkers, I get not wanting to lose the proverbial man card. But, when your woman is crying on the bathroom floor because another cycle has ended in a period, not a baby, you are allowed to cry with her.
It might help her more than you being stoic and strong.