Myth: Living child free is a choice, and they never wanted children.
I used to think this. I didn’t have access to many childfree women in my life. I have an aunt who was a stepmother, her and my uncle chose not to have children together. I have a cousin who decided she didn’t want kids because her husband didn’t want them.
As I reached adulthood, and got married, everyone I knew had kids, or was trying for them. I didn’t know a single woman who didn’t want kids. I know they were out there, but not among my friends and family.
When I first got involved with Resolve, I met some incredible women. Some of them were childfree, a term I didn’t yet understand. I saw them as childless. In my head, I thought, they ended up this way. If they really wanted children, they would have found some way to have them. I meant no disrespect, I just didn’t understand how they came to that decision. I assumed that since they ended up without children, they didn’t want them bad enough in the first place.
I apologize to every childfree woman I’ve judged.
I regret thinking this.
I know this is a thought that crosses some people’s minds when they meet me. There’s no need to explain myself, but I still feel like I should. I want to impress upon the world that I wanted children, desperately. That at one point, my life absolutely revolved around it. I want to tell them that I tried, I did infertility treatment, I started an adoption, I considered ALL my options. I have chosen not to pursue children, but this doesn’t mean I didn’t want them. I did. I love children, I just couldn’t keep trying and failing.