It is hard to ask for help. Hard to admit you need some. I do.
I can deal with melancholy and sadness. I can deal with the weirdness in sleep patterns, the pain. What gets me is the forgetfulness that plagues me lately. I’ve dealt with depression before, but never like this. I’m leaving doors unlocked, burners on the stove get turned down, but not off; I forget things I wanted to do, I forget where I’m going when I drive.
This scares me. It scares me way more than the anxiety I feel out in public or meeting new people.
I’ve thought about help, but it has to wait. Non-insured visits range from $100-150 per session from what I’ve found and once a month (or less) isn’t going to work for me. There may be other options, but with waiting lists of 4 months, they aren’t viable ones.
So, I vent here. I try very hard to not let myself get overwhelmed by my feelings.