It’s November 1 and I am back in Texas. When I left, it was still shorts and summer, but the cool has crept in; maybe it followed me home from Buffalo.

I am left trying to figure out what life looks like now. My job situation is weird, thanks to Covid, and my home situation is weird thanks to grief. While I have dealt with the loss of my dad somewhat, I think the reality is, it hasn’t fully sunk in. I was busy enough with calls and their house and my sister and her family that I didn’t have a ton of alone time to just think about it. I will have more now.

This week, I’ll celebrate my 40th birthday. Not the way Adam and I planned, with a trip abroad to make up for our cancelled honeymoon. My first without a happy birthday wish from my dad.

September was brutal and October was hard. I know December and the holidays ahead will be tough, so I’m hoping for a bit of a reprieve for this month, even if it’s a small breather.