we know what today is

I hope those of you who have been lucky enough to move on, enjoy the day. I’m figuring out a way to get through it. Trying to be happy daughter (in law) and ignoring that once again there’s no celebration on this day.

I keep waiting to be completely numb. There are times I can feel it creep in. Like when your foot starts to fall asleep. However, I can’t seem to numb myself enough to not feel these painful days. It’s not the first time I’m moving back into frustration.

Sometimes I go for days without thinking about it, because things are so chaotic here. But all these trips to school leave me looking wistfully at the moms in the playground. All this time wandering around these small towns my husband’s teaching in and I run into pregnant people everywhere. Their strollers overrun my neighborhood. And I don’t feel prepared yet. For the summer events where everyone asks questions, the weddings and graduation parties, etc.

I never realized how hard this day can be for so many people. People who have lost their mom I’m sure have a hard time. I’m sorry for that. For women who lose a child, whenever that loss takes place. The world is not always a happy freakin’ Hallmark commercial and I wish that the people closest to me could really see it. They’re so wrapped in themselves that they won’t even see the tears waiting in the wings today. I just hope I can keep them at bay until I get home tonight.

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