As we sat in the waiting room, paperwork filled out, anticipating the called name that would take him away for his MRI – I took his watch, his cross and held my hand out for his wedding ring.
Which he wasn’t wearing.
Which I haven’t noticed he hasn’t been wearing.
Since July, apparently.
I reacted. Wait, forget that, I overreacted.
I asked him when he stopped wearing it and he answered.
He started to offer some other words, but I shushed him on account of the eight or so other people in the waiting room.
They called his name and I was free of him for thirty minutes.
I used the restroom, I got a bottle of water, I returned a phone call and I paced a bit.
Returning home, he retreated to his office to catch up on the work he missed by making the appointment. I went into my bedroom to read and relax. I decided to not start the conversation, I felt too emotional. I have felt raw since Thursday and his subsequent return from out of town. Shortly after reading I fell asleep. I remember standing just long enough to strip and crawl back under the covers. Next thing I knew, it was 5:30 a.m. and he was up.
Upon reflection, I think, was my reaction based on guilt? That somehow I’ve not noticed his left hand? It’s amazing how you see someone everyday without seeing them. (Yes, please feel free to insert the blind joke here)
Or is it anger? If he has given up, enough to quit wearing his ring, why did I not know? And if he’s been done since July, then what the fuck am I still doing here?
2 thoughts on “all that’s left is a band of gold… or not.”
I’m surprised at your reaction, actually. As for the two options – I’d go with anger. Which is understandable. It seems while you were busy with your guilt and fence-sitting, your husband has moved on. Hopefully this will make it easier on you to move along.
I think your choice of words “free of him” as well as a few of your tweets on the topic (while he was away – and close to coming home) REALLY drive the point of you being done with all of this. Let’s work on closing this chapter and move on to the next one. The one that starts with: happiness, satisfaction, love, respect and appreciation.
Perhaps this is good news. It would seem he might “see the writing on the wall” so to speak.
I know difficult decisions lie ahead. Best of luck with those.