As we sat in the waiting room, paperwork filled out, anticipating the called name that would take him away for his MRI – I took his watch, his cross and held my hand out for his wedding ring.
Which he wasn’t wearing.
Which I haven’t noticed he hasn’t been wearing.
Since July, apparently.
I reacted. Wait, forget that, I overreacted.
I asked him when he stopped wearing it and he answered.
He started to offer some other words, but I shushed him on account of the eight or so other people in the waiting room.
They called his name and I was free of him for thirty minutes.
I used the restroom, I got a bottle of water, I returned a phone call and I paced a bit.
Returning home, he retreated to his office to catch up on the work he missed by making the appointment. I went into my bedroom to read and relax. I decided to not start the conversation, I felt too emotional. I have felt raw since Thursday and his subsequent return from out of town. Shortly after reading I fell asleep. I remember standing just long enough to strip and crawl back under the covers. Next thing I knew, it was 5:30 a.m. and he was up.
Upon reflection, I think, was my reaction based on guilt? That somehow I’ve not noticed his left hand? It’s amazing how you see someone everyday without seeing them. (Yes, please feel free to insert the blind joke here)
Or is it anger? If he has given up, enough to quit wearing his ring, why did I not know? And if he’s been done since July, then what the fuck am I still doing here?