alive and well?

I am alive.  I’d say alive and well, but well, that’s just sketchy in the quiet moments.

I find moments of peace, here and there, but there are just as many moments of conflict.

His calls and emails are unsettling.  I’m glad to hear from him.  To know he’s ok, soothes a little part of me.  And yet, hearing from him breaks my heart.  The gulp he holds back when he talks.  The pain he conveys in a voicemail message, or via an email.  I wasn’t sure I could live with myself if I stayed.  I’m not sure I can live with myself now that I’ve gone.

7 thoughts on “alive and well?

  1. Hugs to you, Kate. I think this is one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situations that you just have to ride out until time heals what wounds are left.

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  2. While I’m sure it is hard to see his pain, the thought crossed my mind that his happiness and well-being is not more important than yours.
    My thoughts are with you.
    Hugs, K.

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  3. Add me to the list of huggers. The only thing I can add is I think time will ease the self-torment. If you had stayed status quo, it wouldn’t.
    Doesn’t help with the right now pain, though. So silly e-hugs: {{{Kate}}}

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