I go through files, keeping only the necessary papers.

Double checking clothes and shoes; seeing what fits, deciding what should be taken now and what can wait.  Tossing anything not worth mending or that seems to have gone out of style.

Hanging on to the things that have value of some sort, and making trips to the dumpster to discard the things I’ve held onto without knowing why.

Organizing the things I know I’ll want at some point, but can’t deal with right now.

I’m overwhelmed, and it’s not really the boxes.  It’s what comes next.  It’s the worry about getting where I’m going.  The doubt that comes with change.


6 thoughts on “purging

  1. Wow… I just started reading you lately (google reader had you on my recommended list).
    I don’t know you, but your writing really hits home. I feel your pain.
    I might be in your boat soon enough (I had an affair a few years ago and found out my spouse is having one just a few days ago…), so I’m rooting for you!


  2. i too have gone thru the exact thing you are going thru, not the cancer or blindness, but ending a marriage. (which i never talk about – and scared that my children would know i was married before their father)…it hurt terribly – the empty home. the empty heart… my lonely apartment. every time i saw him after i left my heart broke all over. he became an alcoholic moved back home from CA to WV. i fell in love with the man of my dreams. it didn’t feel right leaving him – after all he saved me, but i grew up, we grew apart..i had affairs, he deserved better than what i was ready to give him…you and he will be fine. we all feel as tho we fail at points in our life.. but if all we create is misery why continue down the same path. change happens for a reason. people come in and out of your life at different times to give is messages we may not otherwise know…good luck


  3. Change is never easy, that is often why we stay so long in situations that are not right for us.
    I wish I could say the feelings will dissapate the moment you walk out the door, but I’m afraid they will not.
    Always remember why you did this and hold those reasons close — no one else can understand you except you.


  4. I can’t imagine much that is more brave than that. It seems so scary, going out on your own like that. I hope you feel less alone knowing that some of us out here (anonymous as we might be) send our good wishes and hopes for you on your journey.


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