Mother’s day has been tough for a while. It has been fraught with pain, longing, heartache.

See previous posts if you care to.

I’m in a different place this year – I remember the pain, but I am no longer there. I still hurt once in a while, but it isn’t constant. I still struggle with wanting to be a mother, bu I no longer want children. I grieve a little at times like this, for the mother I would have been, for what I lost, but I believe that I didn’t have any for a number of reasons . I know my maternal instincts can work themselves out in some other fashion. This Sunday, I will celebrate the fact that my mother is still here. That she loves me and cares for me. That even though she’s 2000 miles away, I feel her in my heart.