looking ahead to December

I know we’re months away from the holiday season, but I got a call over the weekend from my mother.

My dad’s extended family still gathers together on Christmas eve to celebrate, even though the family has grown and multiplied. The original 7 kids all had kids and their kids have kids (well, except my parents who are still yet to be blessed with grandchildren, much to their chagrin). But, the aunt and uncle who have hosted this since my grandparents passed, have decided this is the last year. Much debate has been had, but no one is taking it over.

So, this year, a tradition going on since my father was a child, will end. The darkened living room, the radio and tree lights on a timer, the huddling in the kitchen waiting for Santa to stop by will be the last time.

My mother asked me to come home.

Two years ago, I spent Christmas in NY, though I didn’t go to Christmas eve, since I got in at midnight. I didn’t go home last year. I haven’t been to this family event since 2007 actually. My mother wants me there since it’s the end of an era. I can’t blame her, since this is the last big Christmas, I would like to be there.

As I was before though, I’m torn. D cannot travel at the holidays, the time off is blacked out around the holidays. So, if I go to NY, it means I won’t get to spend the holiday time with him. I also can’t take much time because of the new job, so I’d be traveling the major days everyone else is, the 22nd to the 26th. I don’t even like to think about how expensive this trip would be.

I want to make a good decision, but I have a hard time committing to one.

7 thoughts on “looking ahead to December

  1. Wow, this is a toughie. It does not sound like there is a good decision… maybe just aiming for the decision that makes you happiest (not everyone else… just you) is the way to go? I certainly understand your mom’s point of view and wish you MUCH luck on this very difficult decision. I found you via ICLW.


  2. Oh, my! Talk about rock meeting hard place. I would be torn, too. 😦 I don’t have any useful suggestions as to *how*, but I hope you’re able to come up with a decision that works for you, as Jeri said. ❤


  3. That’s a really tough place to be in. If it comes down to the money for travel, would your parents be able to help you? Would you regret not being there for the final BIG Christmas? I hope you can figure out a decision that leaves you with peace of mind and heart. Good luck.

    ICLW #19


  4. It’s so hard to bridge the gap between the Christmas you had as a child and the one you want to create for yourself now. We live away from all of our family, too, and sometimes feel the pressure to be everywhere. Last Christmas we spent just the three of us as my husband had to work. I was very nervous about if it would even feel like Christmas at all, but it did. I know it’s a hard decision either way. I hope you get to do what you feel is best for you without guilt either way!


  5. Don’t you hate it when money and work get in the way of things? It is a really tough choice but I am sure it would mean a lot to your mom for you to be there. But also, who knows in a year, someone else could offer to host next year and the tradition will carry on. I love the holidays but sometimes the logistics of it all make it not so fun.


  6. Hi from ICLW!
    Decisions like this are so hard. I go through this a lot…do I do what’s good for my mom/dad/brother or what’s best for me and my husband? Wish they were always the same thing, but often they’re not. Right now we’re trying to decide where to move once my husband finishes school…I think we both want to be on the West coast but that means moving away from my family…
    It’s hard.
    Hope you come to a decision you are at peace with.


  7. My mom’s family still does the big Christmas Eve gathering too, and we’ve also struggled the last couple years with where to have it as previous hosts have gotten burned out (actually don’t know where we’ll have it this year, but someone will take it on rather than letting the tradition go–they always do). Last year was the first year I ever didn’t go home for Christmas, and it was kind of nice not dealing with all the holiday travel and running around, but I missed it, too. I want to go back this year, though I shudder to think of the expense. Not that any of this helps with your dilemma–just wanted to say it’s definitely a toughie, and whatever feels best to you (whatever you will regret least) is the way to go. But also, whatever you choose, it will be ok.


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