I’ve found it hard to connect with people lately. Acquaintances, I can charm. I make a lot of people laugh, I meet a lot of people I would like to know better. I even think maybe they would like to know me as well. I just don’t have an easy time of converting those folks from strangers I kind of know to a friend I could invite for dinner or go shopping with.
It’s easier to keep people at a distance. It seems safer when they can’t get close enough to really hurt me. But, there’s the crux of it, I know. If I want to make a friend, a real, true friend, I have to accept they then have the power over me. Power to hurt my feelings, expose my soft tender parts to danger.
I have always found it’s easier to keep new people at arm’s length and so the fault lies only with myself. I need to learn to let it go, but I really don’t know how.
12 thoughts on “come and leave”
I can appreciate where you are coming from with this post. Friendships and relationships can be difficult and complicated at any age, but especially when we are adults. As a people-pleaser I struggle at times with letting go and being myself with others. I want everyone to like me (a fruitless venture, I know) and thus try extra hard to win over those who don’t seem to care very much for me. My mom talks about “feeding the feeders” in our lives, the ones who give us the love, care, time and attention that we deserve, as opposed to the eaters, who sap our energy and affections and don’t give us much in return. I don’t know if this helps, but they are some of my thoughts on friendships. Take care and I hope that you find your way to some new and genuine friendships in your life.
Here from ICLW – I often feel this way, too. I can be friendly and have lots of acquaintances, but it’s so hard to move past that. I think it’s common among bloggers. I find it so much easier to interact with people this way, and over time bloggers become my true friends. I guess there’s something to be gained from admitting these feelings to people.
Stopping by from ICLW (#19)… OOO! i so get this post..i’ve had a hard time making friends too and keep new people at arms length too.
Beautiful post. This line especially resonated with me: “If I want to make a friend, a real, true friend, I have to accept they then have the power over me. Power to hurt my feelings, expose my soft tender parts to danger.” It’s true that the people who are closest to you will hurt you the most. And the more afraid I am of being hurt the more I keep people at a distance. But then I’m lonely. Vicious cycles! Guess it’s just something I need to work on
I find I am the same way. I know/know of many people but they aren’t people that I would just invite over to my house. I usually feel like the outcast. Trying to get better at making new friends but then you have to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. Good luck!
I can relate so very closely with this post! I also find it very difficult to connect with people. I have real issues with trust. I rarely find someone I feel like I can trust to be my friend without it actually being something they’re in simply for their own gain.
So far, I’ve not figured out how to allow people in. It’s something I need to work on for myself as well.
I either get too close too fast (and end up burned), or come off looking like a stuck-up snot (due to shyness). I don’t know how to make friends “properly” – this is what happens when you move around and end up in 7 schools in 9 years. :-s
I can relate! I have a hard time keeping friends close…especially new ones. Mainly because of what I’ve been through. If you ever figure out how…let me know… Ha ha…
Interesting to read. I like Kathy’s description of ‘feeders and eaters’. Makes sense to me.
I think it’s harder to make true close friends as an adult as well. Some people just click but they are rare and far between.
I really identified with this post. Thank you for sharing it.
Yo-la! Stopping by from ICLW. I was having some “needing friends” issues a few weeks back. I just was feeling utterly alone (ooops don’t tell my husband…I mean in terms of friends though). My bestie was busy and not returning my calls (grr), and I just couldn’t see any friend options in my desertous state. So I get the issue you are having opening up, exposing yourself for everything you are, and taking that leap of faith to try to let someone in. It is hard. Things get better though. You’ll figure it out. In the meantime, hello! I am going to stalk through your blog now.
Your post was very good. I can absolutley relate. I also have kept people at an arm’s length my entire adult life. I want friends so bad, but am too afraid of getting hurt, and especially now, during IF. I hope someday you will have a true friendship, you deserve it.