what I leave out

Whether the conversation is here or elsewhere, I save a piece for me. There has to be a part I don’t share. Often, it’s the thoughts that don’t make sense. Other times, the spiteful comments that I wouldn’t want you to hear. I want to be polite, I want to be seen as eloquent. I don’t think of it as censoring myself or editing it out, because it feels like it was never “in” in the first place. I keep something back because I feel like I can’t give everything away. Doing so feels dangerous, like I could lose something important.

Even if I don’t know what that is.

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