My mother said it perfectly as we spoke on the phone this evening. “A piece of your heart will break, and you can’t help it, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, but the rest of your heart will swell with love”. 

So early, only our parents and her husband’s parents know. And me. They decided it was too early to tell anyone else, but they wanted to share this with me. 

And it’s true, my heart is full. I’m elated for my parents, who are just over the moon and who need something good to look forward to, especially now with my dad getting laid off and losing his health insurance, 

I’m excited and happy and hopeful for my sister and her husband.

I just haven’t figured out how to deal with the feelings. How to get over the jealousy, the guilt over the envy. I know, in my situation, it’s normal to be happy to her and sad for me, I just haven’t processed it. I’m a little bit too heartbroken to know. It’s a little too early to tell.