I haven’t written much because life has been wild, but something popped today.

I have more than I can fit in a tweet, and there is no cute photo to caption on the ‘gram. Shit’s crazy, and everyone is suffering in your own special way.

I had grand plans for this year. From the early part of the year, deciding that I was going to focus on my business again, only to have all the weddings cancel;

I’m not dealing with things as badly as others. I’m not sick. We’re not homeless or about to be broke. No one super close to me has gotten sick or died. I’m grateful for that.

I’m just disappointed. Canceling all our trips for the year – including my birthday trip to Italy that was supposed to replace the honeymoon we had to postpone – has just been one of the bigger bummers.

Pain and health wise, I’ve put a lot of things off. In February and March, I started a lot of diagnostic work that has somewhat been put on hold. No reprieve from the pain and symptoms, I’m just tired.

There’s also been a lot of feelings brought on by spending a lot of time solo. Isolating alone at home since I returned from visiting my family in March means I spend my days trying to outrun my brain. Depression spirals for me with too much time to think and I haven’t found all the right outlets to keep me from spinning.

It is a lot for everyone to deal with right now and I’m not dealing well.