Saw Nancy (my therapist) today. Divulged details about what’s going on. Really told her. It was weird to talk about it out loud. She knew how I felt without me saying a word.

My husband booked me a ticket to New Orleans without consulting me. I know he wants me to go to help, and wants to see me, but this is the last weekend I have in New York and I didn’t want to travel.

I haven’t faced the reality of leaving yet. Of saying goodbye to all the people I have grown so close to. Its frustrating to know that I love and care for each one and any decision I make will hurt me and them. So, do I choose to take the pain for my husband? I feel I owe him, meanwhile, I’m in pain. Will I cause any other pain by leaving? I don’t know.

I have been delaying the inevitable; I believe by leaving I’m still continuing to do so. The only difference is, before I wasn’t thinking about going, and now I have to but I wish I could stay.

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