past midnight

It’s always late, when night turns to morning that I hurt the most. When the day has wound down and there isn’t as much to distract me from stress, depression, pain, etc. When even the physical pain has built up from the previous day.

I used to find things to do to fill these nights. I would scrapbook, or read or go for a walk, or bake. My husband would laugh if he woke to a kitchen of baked goods, knowing I was unable to sleep that night.

I have to replace all the things lost in that last kitchen box that mysteriously didn’t make it here. I did pick up a muffin tin today though. It’s hard to remember what exactly is missing until I’m looking for it. I know it was a huge box, but the only other thing I’m positive I can’t find is cooling racks. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t have a huge box full of muffin tins and racks.

Baking late at night was part of what led to my huge cookie cutter collection. I’d bake all different shapes and then think of ones I didn’t have and go hunting online for more. After lots of thinking, I’m gonna get rid of them. I’ve become inspired by Unclutterer and have felt the need for less stuff, more organization.

I’ve slowly come to this realization: Stuff doesn’t fill the emptiness.

While I’m not a hoarder, I know I’m a saver. I hate to waste anything and feel guilty about giving or throwing things away that I might use, someone gave me, I spent hard earned money on, (and a million other excuses) but I am trying to commit myself to only owning things I need and use, to not hanging onto things just because.

One thought on “past midnight

  1. I’m a middle-of-the-nighter, too. It goes in cycles. The first night I wake up at 3 a.m., my heart sinks, because it’s the beginning of 3 weeks of 3 a.m. waking. It’s too easy to fall into despair at that hour, the hour of the wolf, one of the Russians called it. I keep a stash of projects to work on, so I don’t lie in the dark and ponder how little I’ve accomplished in life.
    It takes me always exactly 1 1/2 hours to go back to sleep, so the worst time to wake up is just after 4 a.m, because I’ll fall asleep just 20 minutes before the alarm goes off. I could go on and on. It’s a whole part of my life I never talk about — because I never meet anyone else with the same issue. I really appreciated this posting.


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