random remarks, bordering on whining

Dad called tonight. Someone I graduated with gave the commencement speech tonight at my former high school’s graduation ceremony. That was all I got from my father’s message – I didn’t feel like calling him back. Was peeved that no one asked me. Then I remembered – I’m much more important in my own mind.

Looking for jobs and apartments in both areas sucks. I would like to be independently wealthy. I would totally put my money to good use, helping those I care about and those I don’t know.  I’d want to do it quietly too. Hard to believe, thanks to the above statement, but I’m not all about self-promotion.

I don’t understand my husband’s ability to move from conversation to casual talking. I can have a touch of the dramatic in me. Shocking, I know. But, I feel going from “Leaving is up to you” to “Do we have fluff?” is just awkward.

Now I’m hungry – and there’s nothing in the house. I desperately need to grocery shop. I miss going out to breakfast at home this late at the 24 hour diners; or hitting the bar/restaurant around the corner from my old place. There’s not a lot of that near me, that I’m aware of. Plus, you didn’t feel bad hitting the one place for food at 12 or 1 because you knew they were still open another 4 hours or so. Ah, Buffalo bar hours…

I laid in bed at 7 this evening, shortly after he got home because I thought that might help me avoid more talking. I’ve been talking in circles, and avoiding the one thing that’s hardest to say. Instead I killed 3+ hours of my night. Aargh. I actually fell asleep too, which further fucks my already fucked up sleeping schedule.

Instead of thinking about how I should be sleeping, I will instead think about the dog’s grooming appt. in the morning. Will think of maybe going to dinner by myself tomorrow while my husband attends some blind people night out thing. Yes, I know, I am a horrible person. What you don’t know is that upon marrying someone blind, you have the right to snicker at these activities. It’s in the “spouse of a blind person” handbook.

Which totally reminds me that my book will be titled “Love is blind… and so is my husband”

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